He picks the fanciest restaurant in Baltimore like that’s spoze to mean
shit to me. Guess he thinks I’m one of those bitches take a man’s
measure by the number of karats in his gold chains.
‘cept he ain’t wearin’ any chains. Just this big old ring on
his left hand, a plain wide band, kinda worn down, with a little bit a shine
showing through the smudge. Hell, it ain’t even gold. Got a pair a diamonds
in his ears, and they ain’t all that either.
He wearin’ a suit lookin fine, even got a tie on so they can’t say
nuthin when we go to sit down. I know this the kind of place give you a jacket
you ignorant enough to come in without one, and here I be with nothin’
but a sweater and a pair of jeans, but they leave off me, cuz I’m with
him, y’know, and even with his head fulla braids they see he’s an
important man, and they fulla respect. Probly think he a rap star, I be his
go-for boy. They don’t say nuthin’, but they look at us hard. Anyway,
they know they gonna get paid. Who gives a fuck about anything else nowdays?
He tells me we gonna eat lobster tonight and I say cool, like I’m some
hick never eat lobster before. I don’t tell him that I be working for my
Auntie’s catering service since I was twelve years old, caviar, buckets
a shrimp, little cakes made out a nuthin but nuts and whipped cream and butter,
lobster chopped up and stuffed into little raviolis and cooked in champagne.
Shit, I been eatin’ lobster all my life, son, but I act all happy like
he doin’ me a favor. Like he really gonna school me some tonight.
I don’t know why I don’t just tell him. He don’t need to impress
me, I’m here cuz I wanna be, not cuz he’s public enemy number one
gonna buy me some diamond earrings. He try to give me something like that I
just tell him no thank you, everything a-right, I just like being here with
you, don’t need to reward me.
A big expensive lobster dinner ain’t no thing. I’d a been happy with
a movie and a bag a popcorn, and I ain’t shittin, neither.
I been thinkin’ all day how I should tell him I ain’t a roundaway
boy like he probably think. I know he ask me straight up I won’t lie, but
long as he don’t ask, maybe I let him go on thinking I’m whatever
it is he wants me to be, which is probly a little hoodrat faggot just like he
was back in the day.
So far neither of us is doing much talking. Maybe he don’t like me after
all. And I don’t really have anything to say, less he wanna help me figure
out how I’m ever gonna go back to how things used to me when this day be
done.
Yeh, he don’t talk much, but he gets a eyefull - he been looking me up
and down since I got into his ride, make it pretty plain he like what he see.
Got me thinking maybe I’m not the ugliest red-headed tadpole in the pond
after all, but I know the truth is he fascinated with my bright tone, my hair,
even my eyebrows and the whiskers on my chin be red. I wouldn’t mind a
bit he tell me I’m good lookin’, but I know what he thinkin’
is how his black dick gonna look all up in my baby-powder ass.
And that’s okay,too, cuz I been waiting too long for my time to come, and
now finally here it is.
And look who it be with - Omar the Terror. My folks shit their pants- hell,
my homeboys shit their pants they see me here with a hard-core gangster. Omar
a cold-blooded murderer, probly. Oh well, if they don’t like it, they shouldn’t
a left me in juvenile that weekend, think they gonna teach me a lesson. Then
I never woulda met him.
Not that they gonna find out.
The lobster come right away, big surprise, get us in and outta there fast I
spoze. Never mind, it looks good and I start cracking open the shell, gettin
all greasy. I lick my fingers real noisy. It’s damn good but I guess he
like the show better than the food cuz I barely got the first bite swallowed
than he up and tossing a wad of bills onto the table. He ain’t even picked
up his fork and we leavin’ and I got butterflies cuz it seems like now
the night really starting and ain’t no turnin back.
Soon as we walk through the door there’s his ride coming up, like he a
mind-reader or maybe he got paged and I missed it. I don’t say nothin,
I just get in the back seat like I know Omar expect me to, and he come in next
to me. I don’t scoot over like I did on the ride over, and he put his arm
around me. Now we gonna get cozy, finally, I think, and I wanna tell him anything
he wanna do is okay.
But I also wanna tell him if I act stupid it don’t mean I ain’t into
it. It just mean I’m stupid.
I make a joke about the damn lobster and everybody be laughin, and I look up
in the rear view mirrow, the driver give me a quick hard look then get back
to his driving.
Not too long the view outside the car window starts changin like we goin’
from one scene in a movie to another. But the sky the same everywhere, I know.
This time of the year, the sun stay up a long time, it’s past dinner time
and the purple in the sky gets squeezed littler and littler by the night and
it’s so beautiful. What’s left of the sun shines off the windows of
the buildings and the more we drive, the closer and taller the buildings get.
And then we drive some more and just the opposite happens -the buildings start
to thin out, every other block looks like the buildings be torn down only nobody
got around to haulin away all the loose bricks.
All this time we drivin he got his arm around me, he playin with my hair stroking
it all soft and gentle, and everybody so quiet, the ride so fucking quiet inside
this heap of a car, I hear my heart beatin, I hear his heart beatin. He don’t
say one damn thing except make some comment about my tone. Outside, we gettin
deeper and deeper into the projects and I have no idea where we are, what projects
these be, I don’t even know we in south Baltimore, north, hell, maybe we
in DC.
My life gonna change forever now, I think, and I know it’s true. No matter
what, ain’t nothin ever gonna be the same. There’s no way I can go
back, the only life I’m gonna have from now on is inside this ride, next
to this man who everybody say is a cold-hearted thug.
I get myself snuggled down, my cheek pressed up in his chest. When I look up
he kisses me and it’s disappointing and amazing at the same time. He pull
his arm away and I sit up, move an inch or two away from him and just like that
the car stops.
Soon as we get out of the car the driver takes off and I follow Omar into my
new world.
People everywhere. They lookin at me harder than them fuckin bitches back at
the restaurant. Every single one of em have business with Omar. A kid run up
pressing wads a worn out bills in his hand, he count em out, stuff most of em
in his pocket, hands some back to the kid.
Another kid run up he gives em back the whole wad, pats him on the head and
he off, jumpin and laughing like the ice cream truck comin’. Dope fiends
line the pathways beggin and negotiatin and keeping a respectful distance and
I wonder how he treat them all I’m not here right behind him.
Later I find out who they all are, which ones hold the irons, which ones hold
the stash, which ones watch the corners. I see in their hard stare every single
one of em wishin he someday be Omar, and that day only come when Omar dead.
Even Omar be in prison, which he just got out, he still run this project, and
will til the day he die.
I wonder do they know he bringin me here to fuck me. Then I wonder how many
of these bangers he already fucked and did any of em start out as ignorant as
I am right this very minute. That don’t seem possible.
I ain’t scared, really, but they all so hard core, even the junkies look
dangerous, even the mothers and the Grandmothers sittin on their stoops lookin
at Omar all judgmental and righteous and beat at the same time.
Seein how hard those women lookin at Omar, I get to wonderin how they let this
faggot loose in their world, and then I do get scared cuz all a sudden I see
Omar exactly as he is: flesh and bone and hair and blood and cock and I know
- I been knowin’ - he ain’t Superman. I ain’t worried that he
can’t protect me, cuz deep in my heart I know it’s already too late.
I’m scared because I know he can’t protect hisself, not forever, and
I try think if I ever saw a gangbanger on the news died a old man.And then I
do gets scared, I get terrified and I look up to the tops of the buildings wondering
where the bullet gonna come from and pretty soon I think I’m gonna start
screaming get down Omar, and he musta sensed it cuz he touches me, finally,
he puts his hand in my back and moves me in front of him and I know what it
is now got me so scared: he forgot all about me.
But now everything be okay.
In fact, he put his hand underneath my coat and somehow got hisself down inside
my pants, started feeling me up. I didn’t even mind gettin past the pit
bulls look like they been waiting all day for my ass get just close enough to
take a bite.
He lead me up the stoop, and his crib ain’t nothin’ like I expect.
It all ghetto, except for a stereo and thousands of cds piled up along the walls,
even more record albums. I try to act like I’m all cool, put some music
on like this my place too, I know my way around, but the truth is I’m feeling
really shy now, and I wish he’d just take me over, just strip me and rape
me. But please, don’t make me make the first move, cuz, like I said, I
am one ignorant faggot and now’s when I could use some schoolin’.
Sure enough he stays in the kitchen for a damn long time and I’m thinkin
if he shy too, we in big trouble.
Anyway, I get my ass in there and he all commentin about I still got my coat
on. I could really use some a what he drinkin and there he go give me a hard
time ask me how old I am. Little late to be worryin’ about that I wanna
say, then he all teasin me cuz I’m broke. He startin to make me feel stupid
but then he heads to the bedroom and I’m thinkin bout time we get this
motherfucker started.
But I can’t do it. I can’t hardly make my feet move, can’t he
see how hard this is for me? Why don’t he just come over here and get me,
I know I’m taller than him but he’s a wiry dude, he can just sling
me over his shoulder and throw me on the bed, tear off my clothes and make me
into the man I wanna be, show me what he like and then I know how to please
a man he never wanna let me go.
And I guess it almost work out like that cuz he somehow got me naked on the
bed with his dick out and me trying to suck it some but then DAMN if he don’t
eat my ass very first thing. Then he sucking me, then he eating me, then he
got his fingers up inside me tho I tried to stop him but he got a strong grip
and when he go back to sucking I don’t notice the jamming so much and soon
enough I be calling out his name and it don’t feel like nothing I ever
imagined it would. But then, I never imagined lookin down between my legs and
seeing somebody tongue goin at my asshole, but there he be like he starving
for what’s in there, and when I cum it squirt right on top of his head.
He put his head down on my belly, press his lips into my skin. My breath coming
deep and hard and I’m thinkin okay I’m a man now, everything be different
now, this some helluva fuckin day.
He take my hand and put it on his dick. It’s still hard and I realize he
ain’t finished yet. In fact, except for his shoes, he still got all his
clothes on, his pants unzipped, but his shirt cuffs still buttoned. We sit up
and I work on the buttons, help him peel away the sleeves.
His body fine, dark as a plum, row on row a tight muscle. I touch his wrist,
run my finger up his arm feeling how tense he is under his skin. I reach his
armpits, they damp and I want to sniff my fingers but I don’t. I keep on
down his chest, drag my fingernails over the bumps of his ribs, reach down inside
his pants. His stomach so tight I think I can feel the organs between his belly
button and his dick. I start to move my hands around to his butt, and he guides
em back to his dick, helps me find his balls.
I reach both hands in and cup them, lift them up as he shakes his legs out of
the pants, fuckin’ finally. I hold him in my hands, they heavy, don’t
feel like my balls at all and sure don’t look like them. He pushes my head
down onto his cock and tells me just a little bit Baby Boy, now we gonna slow
it down a mite and I’m with that. His hands all up in my hair again and
he starts moving my head up and down his shaft. I make my mouth into a O and
let him do all the work. He starts pushing me farther down and I almost choke,
but I don’t let myself because I ain’t that stupid boy anymore, I
know what I’m doin, I know what a man likes. My mouth is filled with saliva
like a faucet just got turned on inside my throat and he’s pumpin hisself
up and pushing me down and saying all soft, relax Baby Boy, mmmm-mmm, yeahyeahyeah,
like that y’all and there’s so much water in my mouth I forget how
to breathe thru my nose and he’s holdin my head real tight,teach me real
good now, I can’t get up and he won’t back out and just as I start
to gag he let me go, flip me over onto my belly and boom, he got the tip of
his soaked dick inside me. He kinda plays with me there, rubbing, poking, not
all the way in, not all the way out, spreadin me open from the back side with
his hands. My face is covered in wet, cuz I’m crying I guess and I’m
still wipin all that spit outta my mouth and I see a little bit a blood mixed
in. I feel my lip and realize I must have chewed right thru it and that’s
where the blood is coming from. He puts his hands up under my armpits, lifts
me up with one arm and stuffs pillows under my belly with the other. I help
him some- he tells me what to do, how to breathe. He puts his thumb in my mouth
sideways, tells me to bite it if I need to, to yell really loud if I want to.
I feel like he gettin ready to take my tonsils out or something, what the fuck,
just go ahead and do it, then I feel the tip of his dick slippin in deeper this
time, and I can’t relax cuz I’m excited and I want to remember this
so I forget to breathe again and it really really hurts. I guess I be bitin
his thumb a little too hard because he pulls it out of my mouth and pushes my
head backward now his hand is free - his other hand is under my chest, pinching
one of my nipples so hard I can’t even feel it any more. He kisses my forehead,
kisses both my eyes,licks the inside of my nostrils, sucks my lips into his.
All this time I don’t even realize it his dick is deep inside my ass his
balls be slappin against my balls, he rammin me so hard. He got my head turned
all the way around, he got one whole side a my head sucked up into his mouth
and I am so wet, the water’s pouring off his body onto mine and the bed
underneath me is soaked - oh fuck - did I pee in the bed? I musta peed in the
bed! And the bed’s rockin, slam slam slammin against the wall, his homeboys
gonna think there a riot up here, they gonna come crashin thru the door with
they pitbulls and guns. He let go my nipple and with both hands he forces me
face down into the bed, lifts my legs and ass up high as he can hold me, he
get off the bed stand straight up and bangs me like a wheelbarrow,his dick drilling
straight down between my legs, he got me upside down and how somethin feel this
good feel this crazy too?
And then
He pull out of me, flip me over again, take off his jimmy and let the come flow
all over my belly. He rubs it into me, then he takes his sticky fingers and
gets all up in my hair again - Damn, he love that hair - and he kiss me, holding
my head in his hands, funky as hell but the sweetest kiss, gentle as the first,
but longer, last all night, never never stop. He fixes the pillows and lays
down next to me, kissin me all night long until we fall asleep and in the morning
we wake up and we start kissin all over again. And I ain’t left since.
Go to Omar's version of first time. You should read this version first.